Question for God

I know You know the answer but why?

For the umpteenth time in my life, I’ve come to realize, yet again, that things happen for a reason and in God’s time, we’ll understand why.

When I lost my job in November, I was devastated. Who wouldn’t want me as an employee? I’m smart and funny and I care about what I do. The fact that my life at work was a living hell had little to do with the fact that I needed the salary. I endured the criticism and bullshit at that place with the help and support of some wonderful folks. I call them friends now.

My girlfriend, Mary Anne, allowed me to accompany her to her chemotherapy treatments at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. It was an honor and a privilege to spend time with her and experience her deep faith.

I spent a lot of time with my youngest brother and his wife and kids, I did a lot of babysitting/playing and it was very healing for me to be loved unconditionally after I had been so beaten up and battered at work (mentally).

When money got tight, my friend and former co-worker (who made his escape on his terms 6 months before my catastrophe) hired me to work with him at an exorbitant hourly rate and I’m still using money from those three months to pay bills. I also lived down the shore during this time, a treat even in winter and early spring!

I started to exercise and eat healthier. To date, I have ridden over 300 miles and lost 12 pounds. My goal is another 12 – 15 pounds by the end of September. Oh and another 450 miles!

Do you understand where I’m going? Do you realize, as I did last night, that God’s ways are not our ways and that gifts come in strange packages?

I spent a couple of hours with my girlfriend today. She is prepared for her death. There is a DVD of her life that she worked on with her brother. Her funeral service is planned, right down to the songs and readings. She and her family put together collages of pictures of friends and family. On Sunday, when I saw her she said “You’ve got to tell me how it went with your mom because I want to know what to expect.” I told her as matter-of-factly as I could how the end came for my mom. She also mentioned that she had letters she wanted to write to her son and daughter. She had a friend who wanted to do that before she died, but she never got the chance.

I spent the afternoon reading letters to her – letters that she had written two months ago to her mother- and father-in-law, three sisters, two brothers, mom and dad, son, daughter and husband. We made some additions and amendments. Then I printed them and she addressed envelopes and I stuffed and sealed them for her.

I pray that I have the grace to live as she is dying.