It was snowing when I left church tonight. It’s still snowing but not really sticking on the roads so it’s kind of purty out there! Maybe you noticed… it’s snowing here in Just Plain Insane. I’m trying to get some spirit.
I woke up this morning feeling lousy for the 7th day straight. It’s a cold or something – I guess that could have something to do with it. We went Christmas tree hunting, but my heart isn’t in it. I don’t even feel like dragging the decorations out this year. I’m not depressed. Just down-trodden and feeling sorry for myself.
I was all about it yesterday when I went to the Festival of Lessons and Carols down at Loyola in Baltimore… even after having the life sucked out of me by the powers that be at my church. Again.
I guess if I were a better person, I could let it go. I just don’t feel like it right now. I just wonder how the adult choir and their director would feel if they were asked to do a different service than the one they’ve been doing for 20 years. I wonder how they would feel if they were told that another group was going to be singing along with them and oh, even if you’ve prepared your program, just make some adjustments and let them sing some stuff by themselves. You can still do a couple of the ones you planned and spent several hours arranging and printed out on your own paper, with your own toner cartridge that you paid for with your own hard-earned money during a recession when only one of us in this house has a job.
Oh and I know I told you I was going to type up a lyric sheet with your service music on it but – well, why don’t you just do that too, because besides the fact that you’ve got a full-time job, a concert to prepare, a broken washing machine and a family and a bunch of other shit, it’s your service and I don’t feel like doing that for you even though I offered to do it a month ago when I was trying to get you to change your tradition and I was making all of those promises so you’d fall for it because I know you’re a good person who will just let me stomp my left heel on your heart and crush it like a spent cigarette. Oh yeah, and you work at a Catholic high school so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you ran off those song sheets – like 400-500 should do it. Oh, and all of those microphones and space I promised you when I talked you into changing your tradition this year, yeah, that’s not happening either. At least not the way I originally promised.
It’s snowing and peaceful. Maybe a good night’s sleep will make it all better. Obsessing over it isn’t helping, that’s for sure. And in the end, I’ll be the better person. It certainly can’t go down as bad as I’m envisioning. Pity Party – Over And Out.