Teal Ribbon

I can’t sleep tonight. It’s 11:00 pm and I have to work tomorrow. I’m tired but my mind won’t stop. I’m getting over a sinus infection, on an antibiotic and didn’t sleep much last night… and still – I can’t sleep.

I got robbed yesterday – cancer stole another friend. teal.jpgOvarian cancer. I HATE IT. I can’t scream loud enough how much I hate cancer – how much I hate this cancer. I have another friend that’s had it for two years now. I am worried… very worried.

I promised my friend, Pam, when I took her to the bus station after BettyAnn’s funeral, I promised her I’d visit. DID I?

When I heard Ellie was in the hospital, I wanted to go visit. DID I?

I’ve been meaning to call MaryAnne and  get together with her. Don’t even think I’m going to answer that question again. Not to mention Dol, Cindy and Brenda who have all extended invitations to visit.

The thing is, there’s something worse than cancer in each one of us – it’s laziness, it’s procrastination, it’a  stupidity, it’s ungratefulness. Is that a word? What I’m saying is that our lives are woven together so closely and one thread can unravel us so completely. I’ve let too many of those threads unravel my life lately. I haven’t been grateful for the richness of the people’s lives that have touched mine.

Oh, and I’ve been touched… my church friends, my music friends, my theater friends, my on-line friends, my old friends, my school friends, my work friends,  my family friends, my family period. Friends. God, I’m blessed. And God, forgive me for misusing your gift of friends.

 God, forgive me. Amen.

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10 Comments

Filed under Death, Life

10 responses to “Teal Ribbon

  1. Some people believe that when your time is up its up. I am unsure of what I beleive, but one thing is true for sure. None of us are here forever, so grab hold to those who are dear to you and never let go. We cannot change the past, and tomorrow may never come. We just have today. Such a simple concept and I struggle like crazy with it. hope you feel better Peg, and I hope that your friend has more time left.

  2. hang in there peg, I have close friends that I grew up with that I keep saying I need to call. But the line does work both ways.

    the situation is different when someone is sick. I will send a card before i pick up the phone and call. sometimes there is just no time to talk, but a card or an email, sometimes has more meaning. I’ll say a prayer for you…

  3. Thanks, Cap- say a prayer for Ellie’s kids – the youngest is a freshman in HS, the youngest is a freshman in college.

  4. Heather

    We, in turn, are blessed by you, Peggo.

  5. Jesse

    Am sorry to hear that hunni, and yup we are a little guilty of putting off things. Be it small like a phone call or huge like a visit, but I think mostly life just keeps us busy sometimes and we often overlook those small things until we are shaken by a tragedy. My heart goes out to as her friend and also to her family. Hugest hugz sweet {{{{{{{{{{{{{ Peg }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  6. Maureen

    ((((( Peg, Peg, Peg)))))) Dont be so hard on yourself my friend .. we all get caught up in life.. and yep at times like this it isnt an excuse and doesnt make it any easier, believe me I know..

    Its not about laziness at all.. its about our own expectations on how we manage or mismanage our time.. we cant be everywhere.. we cant meet all the demands..but we take on the responsibility of them all.

    The dreaded Cancer.. I just wish I was there to scream with you.. I too have lost too many friends to this insidious disease.. its the one word that clamps my heart and I spend the rest of my friendship with that person in fear, fear that they are in pain, fear that there is soooo much left unsaid and undone and will there every be enough time to say and do those things and fear that we will ultimately lose each other.

    Make some time in your life for YOU.. let everything sit aside a while.. and in YOUR time you make time to visit those friends that mean so much to you.. and touch base… in the words of a wise woman I read recently.. I think I
    read “seems to me Scotland is calling”

    Well my dear Peg.. seems to me that You are calling… calling for some time to do what you need to do, and go hug those friends, share a tea, a hug, a smile and a laugh that will stay with you.. a special moment in time.. and stop beating yourself up..

    Huge hugs (((((((((((( Peg )))))))) hope your sinus infection has cleared and that sleep is now a friend again… take care..

  7. Oh, Peg. I’m so sorry for you. But remember that death is only sad for the living. Please don’t add to your pain by judging yourself harshly. Some people are good in the end zone, some of us are quarterbacks … oh, you know it’s dark days when I’m trying to make sports analogies. All I mean is that we have our strengths and we should play to them. If we do our best with what we’re good at, and make room for others to do their best, that makes a championship team. Whoa…that’s enough from me with the sports.

  8. thanks ((( all ))) I am all cried out.

  9. I would like to add that I would like to be one of these “music friends.” Sounds righteous.

    I’m really sorry to hear about your friend. We’ll all see again, though, eh?

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